It all started 19 years ago. Yes you read that right 19 years ago, can anyone keep a promise that long ? Yes I can and I will till death does me in… actually wait I actually have a promise for next life to look forward to :).

It might sound crazy for anyone who might read this blog, even the person who I made this promise to. But what can I say I’m a crazy guy with  crazier love in my heart and soul for you enough to last for many lifetimes.

Why ? “If I had a logical answer to this then I believe that is not love. I’m still trying to find language, words and expressions that will explain how much ‘I Love You’ because I’m still learning and would keep learning and loving you forever.”

Coming back to the promise. You know the day I first Promised that I will take care of everything and make sure that you are happy ? The day I said I will make sure Papa and Mom are also happy with everything ?

On that happiest day in my life I remember every second of it like it was today. I picked you up and while going to drop you we went to this small temple on the way. You were still doubtful what to say and how to say, you finally said “You need to convince everyone and take care of everything” I was like what are you saying ? you said “Ok, if you can promise that everything will be fine and you will convince my mom and dad” that is when I made this promise “I will never let you down no matter what, no matter whatever happens I will always love you and I will convince everyone and ‘I will make sure that you are always happy’ “.

That was my first promise. “I will always keep you happy” and that promise meant a world to me, because you were, are and will be my world. Whatever I’m in life, whoever comes into it, I always will love you and because my heart and soul would never allow me, even If I tried really hard, every second I tried to remember that I promised you to not think about my love for you, I didn’t feel any difference for the past 2 years, I just kept trying even though Initially I felt like a addict who had withdrawl symptoms lol! but slowly things were back to the same, I wanted to stop thinking about you or even think of my love for you, But all of it in vein. I feel we have no control on our heart and soul, becuase as they say “The Heart Wants what it wants”

You know I made a second promise to you on the day, ya on that day (you know which day) that I will try not to think of my love and will try how ever hard it is. Trust me I tried, You are the one and only person my soul and my heart wants, there is nothing I can do about it. I know, trust me if it was a binary decision I would have taken it, unfortunately I couldn’t hack into my heart’s matrix code! there you know I did it again a movie reference.

You know I thank the universe for giving me the day where I could hold your hand tightly and look into your eyes and say I love you so much that I can’t explain how much. Your question “why?” will never be answered because I don’t have an answer to that question, not now or ever. I will still be the same person who will hold your hand when we are 80 years, I will look into your eyes and say ‘I love You’ like I felt the day I realized that I love you, the same excitement, passion and truthfulness for ever and ever.

I know this is complicated, unreal, unexpected and not acceptable not logical…. but trust me I I could only think of you and my love for you however hard I thought or fought. How much I miss you every second, every time my heart beats. I have travelled to unknown places in some countries, I only feel you not being next to me I just close my eyes and Ihave a smile which I can’t explain.

I still believe that we will get our time, my time to express how much I love you (hopefully I learn by then :) ) and I strongly believe that the universe has a funny way of making dreams and true love come true. Funny thing even when I’m writing this, I feel you will first autocorrect my grammer and language lol!.

Until next time I can write something meaningful…. I know the above blog might absolutely make no sense to you or anyone or “does it make sense” ?

I Love You,

K.C.