Dr. Penugonda Shashi Shekar, the most kindest soul I have ever met. He is my favorite Cousin and friend of all. I still can’t find the right words to talk about him because I lost him to a heart attack in 2019. Its been more than a year and I still can’t believe he is gone, people have moved on, families have moved on everyone is moving on he was my hero to look up to, he was the best Son, Nephew, Father, Husband, Brother, Cousin, Son in Law, Friend, Doctor, Human Being. He excelled in every relationship he was put into.

There are so many things he was good at. He always made sure that he was working for others. He is so selfless that he never cared about his health, This is what took him away from all of us. He never said no to anyone even when he would hardly sleep for 4 hours in the night with continuous surgeries and Out Patients for 15-18 hours in a day with small breaks for Lunch and snacks.

I guess he is the only cousin I have ever asked for help in my whole family without any hesitation. That is because he cared about me so much. I don’t know how I would be able to fill the void of him not being there. Like lot of people who pass away in our lives there are only one or two people who will never become anecdote. I don’t think I can ever get used to the idea of him and my mom not being there anymore. They will always stay with me in my thoughts in all my days forever.

Before he passed away in the month of Jan / Feb 2019 we had a family get together for a wedding of the first kid in the next generation (Damn we all felt old) we did a theme dress for the boys wearing south indian traditional white dhoti attire full for all the boys! Even though we were all not there in my native place to do the shopping, He took time out of his busy schedule did shopping for all of us and kept following up with everyone for their size etc.. He believed in the concept of a combined large family than anyone else ever in my whole family, no one can come close to how much he used to care about each and everyone in the family (more than 50 people) and he always kept tabs on each and everyone.

There was a gap of 2 days between the wedding and reception and I stayed back for the reception. I had a bad toothache and had spent an entire day only sleeping due to some strong medicines, he used to come exactly during the meal time and wake me up to have our meal together and then go to being the doctor. When he came to wake me up for Lunch he said “Rey you are still sleeping ? looks like you are using your time off exactly the way you are supposed to, I’m jealous of you for being able to sleep peacefully” even though we both laughed at the moment, that small line from him stuck to me like a thought which was troubling me is he getting his proper rest ? is he taking care of himself ?

That night, while we were having our regular late night talks it was almost 1am and I was asking him to go to bed and we can talk tomorrow, he said “Come and sit down let’s talk for some more time”. We did talk about how our children are getting exposed to more and more content on the internet and how much we need to be change our style of parenting with the changing time etc.. and we called it a night when I saw him almost dozing off.

Next day we did go to the reception had fun, It was time for me to return back to bangalore and I was getting ready for my travel. He insisted on dropping me to the bus stand but I said no you take rest and relax for sometime I will manage on my own, but he insisted and came along to drop me in his car. He walked all the way till the bus and held my hand all the way and said take care of your health try to diet and avoid rice if possible. He hugged me good bye and left. I felt overwhelmed with love and also not able to understand why he had chosen that particular day to come and drop me, I still remember how he held my hand and could feel the affection in his eyes and smile while waving his hand saying good bye.

That day stayed with me like a lump in my throat I could not let go of this thought even till today. I came back home and still was thinking about it, so I called him and offered him help to clean up his schedule and setup a right way of managing his time even if it means to employ a guy I will make sure I do it for him. He became busy and didn’t do much on his schedule nor take a proper break.

It was only one month later I landed in Singapore for some reason I was just thinking how I didn’t call him like I always do when I’m travelling out of the country, I got into my hotel and was taking a quick shower before I eat my food and go to bed, I got a call from my Aunt that He passed away I was not sure what she meant a guy who has no medical issues passing away….. Damn! life has a bad way of taking away good people.

The next 18 hours were the most painful, I was crying like a small kid had no idea what to do booked a ticket online and just rode to the airport, my cousins, nieces, nephews, lot of my family members started calling me but I had no words to talk nothing I could do, I was in a state of shock for 1 hour until it hit me that if I don’t hurry up and go I will miss seeing him for one last time in person. I did whatever I could and was in India the next morning at 8am. The next few hours were discussions on what was supposed to be done as per the rituals etc, no one ever in their wildest dreams have thought this will happen to him.

Should I have asked him to stop working for sometime and take a break ? I wish I could have done more for him, I should have forced him to take a break. All said and done All I can say is “Wherever you are Annaya, I love you a lot, I miss you”.

Wish and Hope wherever you are, you are safe and happy.

Love,
K.C.