Ok to start with, when I heard the word fructification, my brain said ok this is a complicated word, its not your cup of tea to understand it so please pick up the dictionary and search for the meaning…. And I did (“Nope not during the conversation but after the conversation was finished”) and mother google said “to make fruitful or Productive”

Can you really fructify something under pressure ? I really don’t know. So lets get to this conversation, I get a call from lets say ‘X’ not like the Ex… But like, ok its complicated strike that. I get a call from ‘M’ and the conversation was about how I never was supposed to hear her say the magic words “I Love You”. It was a conversation which made me numb like a log of wood drifting away from sea, my heart continuously skipping beats, damp and just washing up to shore and just lying there in the sand. All I could see was flashes of her beautiful smile, her mesmerising eyes decked up in Kajal and Mascara, wearing a beautifully ironed baby pink cotton dress but walking away from me with every passing second of the conversation. My heart lost its compass and starting wandering aimlessly. That night I couldn’t sleep, I twisted and turned in bed thinking about every minute of my life. But I was not able to answer the question why ?

You used the word betray, who are we really betraying ? If in life we are having that one minute for us are we really betraying anyone ? We might have different views of life, different backgrounds, different lifestyles, but that one second when we have that conversation, just a “Hi, How Goes it ?” Makes my heart dance with joy, sometimes I just don’t reply the immediate second so that I don’t loose my composure. I’m not competing, never ever thought I put you under such pressure.

I know that my heart doesn’t lie to me, but why did she choose to have that conversation with me on that particular day and time after such a beautiful memorable 4 days, we felt liberated like kids getting together goofing around making lame jokes but laughing silly at all the silly things. But again… why did that conversation happen, did I really pressurise love out of someone who I love so much ? (Loved!!! You want me use that in past tense really ?). It will never happen, till my last breath, till the last beat of my heart I will always love you irrelevant of the status quo. You can call me childish, adamant, kiddish, it is what it is I guess :P.

I don’t think I said this anytime, I respect you in the past, present and forever, and every word that you say, I respect that you said whatever you said. I respect your friendship more than anything else, even my love for you comes only after our friendship. I’m sorry I pressurised you to say I love you, I’m sorry that my imaginary love wouldn’t have fructified even if you said yes. BUT KNOW THIS!! I LOVE YOU MORE AS A FRIEND YOU ARE MY SOUL FRIEND.

Probably and hopefully in another life in another time in another reality, I might get another chance ? With that question…..

Until my next conversation with myself….

Fructifying Luv,

KC