They say actions speak louder than words… But why am I failing to act on my words and make them actions ?

I’m sorry I constantly want to talk to you,  

I’m sorry when you take long to reply I get sad. I’m sorry if I say things to you that might piss you off and I can get annoying, 

I’m sorry if you don’t want to talk to me a much as I want to talk to you, 

I’m sorry that I think about you too much and too often 

I’m sorry for coming off as being clingy But it is just that I’m missing you.

It’s so easy for me to love you and that frightens me, I’ve never been good at anything, but I’ve never wanted anything so much as I want to hold you every waking minute and I’m sleep. The question has ceased to be how do I love you ? And has become how do I ever stop ?

Honestly I never had much to offer, But I will still give you everything I have got. Even if is Barely anything at all I’ll give you late nights, long hugs, sweet messages someone to talk to someone who is going to be there for you no matter what. I don’t have a lot, but you have all of me, I keep thinking if that’s ever enough.

I don’t know when or how you slowly crept into my life, All I know is you are everywhere and every hour of my day and every second a thought of you and I seem to get lost so easily it’s your smile or within a small memory of how your face looks like when you are happy. I don’t know how or why but  I miss you I miss you all the time.

I want us to last. I really do but if we don’t, this is how I want you to remember me I want you to remember me curled up holding your hand and listening to your heart beat. Remember me laughing at your jokes even the corny ones. remember me in hysterics for absolutely no reason and in tears, one time you made me so sad either of us thought I would ever recover. but most of All remember me scared, and gentle and delicate and breakable only for you just for you.

I didn’t mean to fall in love it happened, and I didn’t know what to do. It took over me, writing your name in my notebook, whispering your name in my sleep, looking at the stars and wishing for your soft lips like you could hold me every single thing that I did, I thought of You all day and stayed up all night I had no idea what I was getting into and now it’s like I’m trapped in a fishbowl and when I try to climb the walls hurt and fall even harder, I didn’t plan to Love you, it just happened.

It’s OK if you thought you were over it but it hits you all over again. it’s OK to fall apart even if you thought you had it under control, You are not weak,  healing is messy and there’s no timeline for healing.

There will be moments where you will feel completely over the heartbreak and random moments where it’ll just hit you over again or what happens. Remember that you were just human it’s normal to feel it’s normal to breakdown. It’s normal to smile and to change the outcome there will be moments where you will feel completely over the heartbreak and random moments where it Over again tired I was trying to.

Can I ever stop writing about you or stop thinking about you ?

Luv,

KC.